Today and the next days, we will mourn with the families of MH370.
Nothing can match their grief, but nevertheless we share them. May there be days of kindness, gentleness and compassion, for only love can heal the terrible wounds in our hearts. Our prayers to those departed and the families, loved ones they leave behind. May God rest their souls and may our hearts be blessed with strength, and a merciful balm to get through this pain and tragedy.
We are all MH370.
The dots are beginning to connect. An email, a conversation – trying to navigate a cathartic chat, to say the least to feel at least a smidgen better than when I started the conversation.
Before the “me-today”, I was just soaking in the moment and not overthinking too much. Simply enjoying my work and having a blast around people who make me feel great at the end of our conversations. I was living in the moment. Then….Wham!
And now this! How do I let go, and trust again and surrender? I don’t know the answer right now; I just need to ask the question. If there’s one thing I have learned about this process, it does have its own rhyme and reason.
Written out the process looks like this:-
1. I feel like crap
2. I know there’s tears on the way
3. I get on the mat. Have a salt bath. Take some time.
4. Cry and cry and cry and cry.
5. I note insights arising. Note events and people and memories from the past.
6. I write it all in my mind
7. I sit in the unknown
8. I take more time out. Meditate, write
9. I sleep
10. I wake up feeling less heavy
11. I feel more clarity…I feel the release
12. Ahhhhhhhh…..
There’s nothing wrong with feeling “emo”. They’re just feedback mechanisms in my body, in my mind. I’m always whole, even if sometimes it doesn’t feel that way! And the inability or limitation of others to love or appreciate me whole; doesn’t change this.
I realise that at some point as I allow myself to drop below trying to fix my emotion and my spirit, I’m actually perfect just as I am. If my partner is someone who makes me feel like I’m not an important aspect and if I leave our conversations more stressed than when I entered, the union may be not worthy of me.
Suddenly, there’s nothing else to do…
Suddenly, there’s nowhere else to go…
I’ve arrived…
Suddenly!
…………………………………………
guitar strings
trace each other’s path
steps meet, soul drench
love flourish
bathing
in his song
with the setting sun
tinged salmon
A new dawn
is exciting
an empty canvas
begging to be drawn
and for the very first time
to be painted on.
A new dawn
is rousing and inviting
with the promise of adventure
an empty slate
to be written on, and
discoveries to claim as your own.
i’ll try to get this right
to find the words that don’t sound trite
for this ode
to a star so bright
who taught me patience
where I have failed
walked me down bumpy trails
and fixed my wheels
when they derailed.
nothing match time
and the hand of fate
that has brought you to my gate
with perseverance we will make
the tide of many doubts recede
love forever locked in these eyes
seduce me to proceed
to make up time so quickly lost
with unrelenting speed.
i connect with you
in hues of blue
sky, ocean
across the miles
i will meet you here
if only you open your eyes
and see the threads
that link us
and the bold splashes
of pink and orange
listen to what
it’s telling you
among the sounds
imbue with hues of salmon
you will hear
what I am saying
January, it’s that time of the year and the month for resolutions. As the hustle and bustle of the New Year recedes, it’s time for introspection. I will celebrate January with a poem.
Today
the resolutions
(and so little time
for so many intentions)
i will be gentler
i shall snarl less
smile more
agree, to disagree
stop the barrage
start negotiating
halt the cynicism
commence the healing
i will slow down
plant little trees
take long absences
from work
have more fun
live my life large
in a state of calm
consciously
and deliberately
i will enjoy
and savour
the beauty
and joy
life has to offer
the wonders
of a blue sky
the promise
of an unopened bud
the love behind
every kind gesture
the evidence of love
presented
everyday
instead of worrying
what’s to come
i will practice
extreme self-love
look at myself
in the mirror
every day
see beauty
rather than flaws
speak words of love
and kindness
to myself
allow in
the experience
of joy
and gratitude
in every moment
even in times
of conflict
i will burn
the candles
use the nice sheets
wear fancy lingerie and
not save it
for a special occasion
today is special
I will let go of fears, doubts
old wounds, people, things that
bind me to the past
blind me to the present
and weigh my future down
and truly embrace
the wisdom of:
“Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.”
“All that truly matters in the end is that you’ve loved.”
“Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.”
I shall… I will….
January’s
that month
and the resolutions
come flooding in
for tomorrow
tomorrow
the betrayals begin …
This is part of my journey among life’s most uncertain and abysmal path. Her-Word-Is: is a piece of my life laid out in chapters…
Chapter 27: Is that all there is?
At each and every moment when the flame guttered out, and she was left numb and alone with only those poignant questions for company, the one person who might have understood and answered them stood out there, mingling with the myriad, and faded beyond the darkened window. And so the candle stood, dark until with the light of the morning came, the only reliable relief, and the view through the window wiped clean for another day and another play.
It wasn’t really one of the best days, today.
Things, in general, seemed hazier than usual.
I can’t even say I didn’t see this coming.
Was I over-confident? Sadly, yes.
But it’s okay, it’s okay.
A little change of plan, nothing much.
And not that I was the only one holding back my tears
See, it rained today.
The birds are singing
the bees are buzzing and
somewhere in the back
of my fragrant, pink
smoke-filled brain
It’s tick-tock
tick-tock
Upon the drying leaves I dance.
As the wind blows its whispers.
My desire a dreadful taunt.
Changing life and views.
From pockets of my soul.
For wishes to come true.
troops of little blooms
like shooting stars
floating on
a canopy of green
a layer of velvet
dancing on hopes and dreams
I turned my back to the past.
Only to be chased by its shadows.
And bequeath with a keloid heart
no less beautiful.
I gaze upon phantoms
of memories past…
Unforgotten?
Unreconciled?
I shall not lament
over my folly.
I will not remain
behind the window
vacant and barren.
For I know…
I cannot remain there
contained within its gloom.
Closeted in its vacuum.
So I shall go…
To where…
I do not know.
Autumn, my favourite season. An honouring of transition + change. Of wonder and magic.
I love autumn, its sense of melancholy seems to strike my sense of sadness. There is poetry in the dying of the year and mystery as well. Surely, life must be salted with the tang of passionate beliefs and passionate doing? The aim of life is to live – and to live means to be aware, joyously, wondrously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware.
Autumn never struggles to change…it just does. It never wonder if it will be as good as last year, or better. It just unravels, and always without fail…nails it. In life, that same capacity lies within us too. It’s already there.
Along the same vein, if we embrace all our challenging experiences, it will release its knots and unfold, leading to a deeper, more grounded self. Regardless of how much fear or pain, the willingness to engage, draws forth essential strength, pointing towards a more positive life direction.
Sometimes when things seem to be going wrong, they are going right for reasons we are yet to understand…
We all stand in the same water and look at the same horizon. At the most, there’s an extra cloud here, or an unfair wave there. But what really matters is who we are, inherently.
There aren’t any rights or wrongs actually. You may be the strong, reliable jetty; or the swift, but reclusive yacht. But, you still stay put in the same water…in front of the same horizon……
Mimosa creeping
on barbed fences
trailing the end
of one path.
And the start
of another…
Lost and sleepwalking
in the corridors of disillusion
my escape
is a new found journey
of self growth.
Each soul is born for a specific reason. It’s been 2 years since I went on a retreat to the GMCKS ashram, a spiritual home for Arhatic Yogis up on the awe inspiring mountains of Pune, India. It was a trip to break away from the chorus and to discover the sound of my own voice. And in pursuit of an open, rational and curious mind in studying the spiritual realms. It was to be a discovery of my inner self and the inner world. It was an amazing spiritual journey, learning to tune into my consciousness and sharing a “collective spiritual energy” through meditation. A spiritual retreat to detox body, mind and spirit through a combination of pranic healing, meditation and yoga.
The ashram sits on crystal locked grounds, surrounded by pyramid shaped hills and valleys. The environment in the ashram is relaxed and tranquil. A paradise insulated from the outside world. The surrounding views are incredible and I can go on and on, waxed lyrical about the bliss up in the mist capped hills. Looking up at the sky, just for a second you forget your own seperateness. You are the sky. I feel I am one with the cosmic energy, a free spirit, a free soul.
They say that travel is good for the soul. A spiritual wonderland of sorts, I want to visit the ashram one more time, and India again. And this time for a much longer stay to explore her. India is such a shock to the system – it’s such a different environment, it takes your breath away at times. As much as it is achingly difficult, emotionally draining to see the poverty and filth, India is also a brilliantly beautiful place….full of imagination, creativity and craft – a place in which the past is alive as the present. Often there doesn’t seem to be a line between past and present…and there aren’t many places in which one gets a sense of that in most other countries. India an epicenter for spirituality, embraces both the material and spiritual world.
LifeCoffeeAndMe 