The dots are beginning to connect. An email, a conversation – trying to navigate a cathartic chat, to say the least to feel at least a smidgen better than when I started the conversation.
Before the “me-today”, I was just soaking in the moment and not overthinking too much. Simply enjoying my work and having a blast around people who make me feel great at the end of our conversations. I was living in the moment. Then….Wham!
And now this! How do I let go, and trust again and surrender? I don’t know the answer right now; I just need to ask the question. If there’s one thing I have learned about this process, it does have its own rhyme and reason.
Written out the process looks like this:-
1. I feel like crap
2. I know there’s tears on the way
3. I get on the mat. Have a salt bath. Take some time.
4. Cry and cry and cry and cry.
5. I note insights arising. Note events and people and memories from the past.
6. I write it all in my mind
7. I sit in the unknown
8. I take more time out. Meditate, write
9. I sleep
10. I wake up feeling less heavy
11. I feel more clarity…I feel the release
12. Ahhhhhhhh…..
There’s nothing wrong with feeling “emo”. They’re just feedback mechanisms in my body, in my mind. I’m always whole, even if sometimes it doesn’t feel that way! And the inability or limitation of others to love or appreciate me whole; doesn’t change this.
I realise that at some point as I allow myself to drop below trying to fix my emotion and my spirit, I’m actually perfect just as I am. If my partner is someone who makes me feel like I’m not an important aspect and if I leave our conversations more stressed than when I entered, the union may be not worthy of me.
Suddenly, there’s nothing else to do…
Suddenly, there’s nowhere else to go…
I’ve arrived…
Suddenly!
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LifeCoffeeAndMe 